It's All About ME!!!

This was inspired by Gracey's entry today. Her Monday Memory was about the day she learned to stand up for herself, when she was in fourth grade. That got me thinking a bit, and led to my entry today. I have been thinking about when did I become "Me" and I changed the line of thought a bit and started remembering more of when I began to like the "Me" that I am.

I grew up in a Christian school, and though I never intend to go back to the church that the school was a part of, I don't regret that my parents sent me there. It is so scary to think how things may have changed had they not led me down the paths that they did when I was younger.

I was always the "5th wheel on a 4-wheel drive" in my class/school. In our graduating class there were 13 of us (SMALL private school), six guys, seven girls, and I was definitely the "Odd man (girl) out". All the other girls were skinny and popular, and by our Senior year ALL of them were cheerleaders, and the guys were on the team, or popular in their own rights for whatever they did. I wasn't exactly "Shunned", but I definitely was not part of the "IN" group. I think I was tolerated, but never accepted. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not pitying myself here, just trying to explain a little of my school life.

Now, fast forwarding quite a bit, to the end of my marriage. The best summary of why things ended was "Better off friends" and by separating, I feel like we may have lost the marriage, but in time we were able to mend the friendship, and I am happy to say that we are still friends, nearly 7 years later. Anyway, the year after I moved away from Oceanside and my husband and back home, has to be the year that I learned to really like the person I had become. During that time, I grew up a lot and made MANY self discoveries, including the fact that I am very strong and very resilient. I learned to stop feeling like I was responsible for every thing that went wrong for anyone I knew (self inflicted, trust me), to realizing that I am not that powerful or important (it really isn't ALL about me!), but I am special.

I learned to do things on my own. I used to be paranoid about going out by myself, even to the grocery store. I was worried what people were thinking and saying about me (left over anxieties from High School experiences), until one day it dawned on me once again, I am not that important that EVERYone is focusing solely on me. I took the power back, the power that I had given to others, and I strengthened myself with that power. I still remember one of my defining "Power of Me" moments (this may sound really pathetic), but I ventured to the theater and watched a movie BY MYSELF!!!!! It was just a small little action, which no one around me even knew I was doing, but I did it. I went to the theater alone, bought my ticket alone, got my popcorn alone, sat alone, and completely enjoyed the movie, ALONE!

I walked out of that theater so empowered and jazzed, and I still feel that triumph when I think about that day. That was just one of the many little steps that led me to realize, I am a great person, and I really like me. After all, if I don't like me, why should anyone else?

It does still bother me if I find out that someone doesn't like me, but not nearly like it used to. I have learned that I shouldn't give them the power to make me unhappy. It really is their loss if they choose to not like me, and I really am better off without their negativity in my life.

So, now that I sound like I am completely full of myself, I just want to add, that I still have many moments of weaknesses when I am back down to thinking I'm nothing, but they don't last as long as they used to, and it is because I have surrounded myself with people who love the real me and accept the real me. In fact, I live in a house full of them!

I couldn't be more blessed in this life, and I owe it all to God...He is the one who allows me to be the person I am, and more accurately, HE is the reason I am the person I am.

So, my words of wisdom for today...Be the best You possible, after all, no one else can do that for you!